Nevena Hadžović
you set yourself up for another kick
when it comes
you feel nothing again
how strong do you have to be?
again
is the word you keep saying over and over again
look in the dictionary when you get a minute
please
you will see many other words listed
you will like them better
look at their definitions
please
choose some new words
you’ll realize you have more than a minute
it will take you days and months for learning
and accepting your new vocabulary
then, get out, look at the sky
no matter what color it is on that particular day
you will see the most beautiful colors
you will catch yourself wanting to lay down in the grass
and stay there forever
looking at your new world
you will start crying
but don’t worry
it’s good for the grass
think about yourself for a minute
stop
and think about yourself now
a smile will conquer your face
you will laugh
and then
you will give yourself a new name
I had a dream
a perfect mix of all my fears
I woke up
crying
walked out
made up a beautiful sunny day
bird singing our song
friends coming over
we danced
laughed
loved each other
I had a fear
a perfect mix of all my dreams
that everyone left
when they found out
they were made up too
they said everything is going to be fine
said they lied when they said
I knew we were getting married someday
and it wouldn’t work out
I knew we were going to have children
and they wouldn’t really love us
my fingertips got heavy
the ground started pulling them down
all I could think of
was the scent of your hug
mother
I knew I wasn’t going to live forever
dissapointment flushed through my veins
stayed there, resting
they still think I shouldn’t go by myself
and I can’t wait to grow up
so I can start acting childish
boring amuses
amusing bores
no balance in life
still trying
negative
clean mirrors in dirty old trains
not balanced again
I’m liquidating all over the ground
watching myself melt
I run around the surface
of the chocolate covered skeleton
I planted sins into my head
I water them regularly
I fly like their angel
and they my demons
in a world
more colorful than this one
